A Gaming Parable

Imagine you're feeling bored one day, and so you decide to head down to your local movie theatre to waste an hour or two. You want to see a good comedy or horror film, which shouldn't prove too difficult because there's always been a steady supply of those.

Or so you think.


When you get the theatre and look over the posters in the "Now Playing" section, you find something very odd. It seems that all the movies playing are thinly-veiled knock-offs of recent Hollywood blockbusters, such as Twilight, Pirates of the Caribbean, or Avatar. Annoyed but undaunted, you vow to return to the theatre another day when the showings are more to your liking.

A few months later you return. But to your dismay, the situation hasn't changed. Again, the only thing that's playing are big-budget Hollywood blockbusters, still shamelessly ripping off the formulas from wildly-successful blockbusters of the past, which themselves are started to repeat themselves: in addition to the all the knock-offs, you see posters with titles like Pirates of the Caribbean XII and Avatar XXIV, and you start wondering what the hell is wrong with Hollywood. You've heard it said before that they're out of ideas, but it was never this bad. Angry, you ask the clerk at the box office why there aren't any other genres represented at the theatre, such as horror and comedy films, and he shrugs and says that "no one wants to see that old crap anymore." He then points out that "all the professional critics say these films are good" and when you go to verify his claims, you find it rather suspicious that every single critic seems to describe these films in nothing but glowing terms: "Four stars out of four! A tour-de-force! A masterpiece! Oscar-worthy!"

A month later you return, and now it's gotten even worse. Now classic horror and comedy franchise are being recast as major Hollywood blockbusters as well. Funny, you don't recall Nightmare on Elm Street being an "action-packed thrill ride!" Strange, you didn't think National Lampoon was supposed to be a $300 million effects-laden extravaganza. But all the critics seems to disagree with you, saying that these reimaginings of classic films are "Masterfully updated for a new audience!" and "Boldly break with tradition!"

Incensed, you head online to voice your displeasure, explaining at length your displeasure at how there aren't any good horror or comedy films being made anymore. Almost immediately you are shouted down by apologists for the industry, calling you a "butthurt whiner," an "entitled elitist" who's "just nostalgic for old crap." At the same time, a great many people agree with you, and they explain that, since blockbusters such as Pirates of the Caribbean and Avatar made so much money, movie studios decided that those were the only kinds of movies worth making anymore. After all, why make a movie that grosses $50 million when you can make a film that will gross $300 million? Hence why theatres now only show big-budget blockbusters, and everything else has been relegated to that tiny independent theatre on the opposite end of town.

But things aren't looking too good for the industry. People are getting tired of seeing the same tired genres filling up theatres again and again, and ticket sales have been showing double-digit drops for the past few years, so the major studios come up with a plan. They will market all upcoming films in both "Regular" and "Premium" versions. The "Premium" version adds $5 to the ticket price, and features additional scenes not available in the "Regular" cut of the film. "A little bit extra for those wanting to splurge" says one studio executive. But this studio initiative only further aggravates the movie-going public, and ticket sales continue to decline.

Then, disaster strikes. A film expected to pull in hundreds of millions of dollars in ticket sales bombs spectacularly and sparks a consumer revolt. Years of pent-up frustration are released, and a number of cinemaphiles declare that they are simply not going to watch any more movies that Hollywood churns out. The "professional" critics immediately turn on the moviegoers, declaring them to be a "vocal minority" of "entitled ingrates." But no one pays any attention to them anymore, because the average filmgoer has long since figured out that the "professional" critics are in the studios' pockets, and any critic who says anything bad about any of Hollywood's latest films will find himself barred from preview screenings and his publication denied the advertising revenue it needs to fund itself.

Things to continue to worsen. Moviegoers become increasingly jaded and cynical, with a very short fuse, and every new release is greeted with derision and scorn. They can only see movies in one or two genres, and they're discovering that the moment they complain about it studios and critics will swiftly condemn them for not being good little sheeple. As a result of this mass discontent, the film industry experiences a near-total collapse, with several major studios going bankrupt.

Sounds farfetched and unlikely? Perhaps it is, for the film industry which, despite its faults, knows better than to concentrate only the most profitable genres. But I think it's an accurate reflection of where the gaming industry stands right now, churning out endless remakes of the same tired genres, completely ignoring consumer discontent as the whole enterprise accelerates towards the cliff's edge.

And so to end on that note, Happy Holidays! (It alliterates, and pisses off the God-botherers, a win-win scenario!)