I Hate Job Hunting

Is there any worse experience than job hunting?

I've been unemployed for about a year and a half, and having sent into dozens upon dozens of CVs, I've had two interviews, and a whole lot of bugger all! And the longer you can go without work, the bigger that dreaded gap on your CV gets, which only makes employers more gun-shy about hiring you. Really, there are no words in the English language (or any other language) to describe my complete and utter disgust at just how much effort and just how much preening narcissism and self-serving whoredom is needed just to get an interview...at which point you're told, "Sorry, you're just not what the company's looking for."

I...fucking...hate it all! It's having doors slammed in your face over and over. It's being told again and again that you're a worthless piece of rubbish. It's being told that there are a thousand people who are willing to do this job, so what makes you so special? Having to pad the CV. "Personal Branding." "Networking." Polishing up the LinkedIn profile. It's all so bloody narcissistic and yet dehumanising at the same time. I'm told that I just have to work on "selling myself" when "selling myself" is something I typically associate with prostitutes. I think the worst decision our civilisation ever made is when we decided to let market forces dictate everything we do, so now we're forced to turn ourselves into pretty little commodities to be sold on some cold, inhuman job market whose only aim to get as much out of you as possible whilst giving as little back as is humanly possible. You're just a resource to be exploited; hell, the word is right there in the moniker the hiring department chose for itself: human resources.

 Here's just a few more reasons why job hunting is bullshit:

The Buzzwords in the Posting: "We are looking for motivated, passionate individuals who are willing to deliver a first-class experience to customers. Candidates must be team players who are pro-active in upholding the company's values..." Anyone who's ever read a job posting knows this kind of infuriating jargon. You don't work with others in the world of job hunting, instead you're a "team player." You don't talk with people, you "liaise" with them. The job isn't "stressful," it's "a fast-paced environment." You don't deal with customers, you "enhance the customer experience."

Reading this sort of thing just makes my eyes glaze over and ignore whatever information is in the job posting. Sometimes it's so vague that you have no idea what the job actually involves, and I end up skipping it because I don't know if "enhancing the customer experience" means working a cash register or cleaning shit off the bathroom floor.

The Experience Trap: The employer requires experience, but I haven't got much experience because no one hires me because of my lack of experience. And everyone requires experience these days. Want that burger-flipping job? Well, you better have two years of experience flipping burgers and a certificate in burger flipping before applying. Oh, but wait, what's this gap in your employment history? Sorry, you're not what we're looking for. Better luck next time.

The Lack of Response: Even if you think my CV is worthless, employers could have at least have the common courtesy to send me back an email saying that they're not interest. Hearing absolutely nothing is particularly galling, and it keeps you on edge, agonising about whether or not they're going to call.

Overly-Complicated Application Procedures: About a year ago I tried applying for a position as a letter carrier for Canada Post (oh, they're called Delivery Agents now, apparently, because "mailman" just doesn't have that corporate-speak sound to it). But you can't just send in your resume, oh no. First you have to create a profile, then you have to choose what you think are your ten greatest skills out of a long list, then rank them by what you believe your strength in those skills to be, and so on. Once that's done, and they like your application, you're required to pass a timed, multiple-choice exam just to get an interview...(after the RCMP does a background check on you, of course). And did I mention that many companies have some piece of software that checks your CV for certain keywords, and if those keywords aren't present it simply discards your CV? So not only do I have to compete against the hundreds of other applicants, I have to play "guess what the computer is thinking." Applying for a job should not involve having to fill out a 100-item questionnaire.

The Humiliating, Dehumanising Aspect of it All: Surely I can't be the only one who finds the process of prostrating and prostituting yourself before potential employers to be deeply humiliating and debasing. Writing a cover letter feels like boasting of my skills and accomplishments and more like begging and pleading for some corporate overlord to throw you a few scraps. Job interviews feel more like police interviews than friendly chats, with the interviewer trying to ferret out any potential weakness. "What is your greatest weakness?" they ask, and they expect you to be honest, but when you're honest about your "greatest weakness" that's just another reason for them not to hire you.

The whole rigamarole is so bloody ridiculous I feel like I'm trying to roll a four on a three-sided die. The whole job market reduces society to a war of all against all, with everyone fighting each other of whatever scraps trickle down from the elite. It's the very epitome of this wretched "sink or swim, you're on your own" culture of hustling that capitalism has inflicted upon us. There must be a better way. God damn it, there has to be.